4/20

Today I come before you fellow Facebook friends to share with you part of my story, and why I chose to share it today on 4/20/17. You may be reading this for one of three reasons, one this image itself compelled you to be interested whether that be a judgmental thought or not, two you have been a part of my life when drugs and alcohol were at the center and you're interested in general of this topic, and am curious of what I have to say, or you came across my blog from someone you know liking this, and it sparked something in you to be interested in why, someone you know would like something like this.

I came to a cross road in my life within the last year where I knew I had to make a decision for myself and for my future, and this is it. 

The party life style of drugs and alcohol had been apart of my life in high school, which I later gave up only to find myself at 23 years old getting back into. From innocent intention in the beginning to strategic and hurtful actions and feelings that were not only affecting me, but loved ones around me, I had come to a realization that I wasn't wanting or allowing myself to be alone and was seeking validation through a false sense of love and acceptance through alcohol, drugs, reckless behavior, and new found"friends". Thank God that he knew I was going to have enough, because he never gives us more than we can handle. God doesn't lead us into temptation, it is by our own free will and sinful desires, that we walk into doing things we know we shouldn't. 

It was going through this season that I was experiencing hurt and betrayal, financial difficulty, career change, and health issues, that brought doubt into my life about God's goodness, that the enemy had planted in my mind in hopes of steering me off God's course and making me turn my heart cold towards his love for me, but thank God he chased me down with his love and truth. God continuously and lovingly whispered to me the entire season of rebellion and wandering to come home to him, to lay down my issues at his feet. I will tell you right now God wants you to vent to him, so scream, cry, and get it out. He wants to bear our burdens but we have a choice to give them over to him and receive his freedom and healing in those areas of our life even when it's hard. God is not condemning you, the Lord convicts you to point you on the right path. The enemy has come to steal, kill, and destroy, the enemy condemns you, because he is condemned and misery loves company. 

From an on and off teeter totter roller coaster ride of being a "christian" all of my life I knew I had to make a choice to follow God after one night I had dabbed, and the Lord had audibly spoken to me that my family would find out everything I had ever done, and that I needed to release that to him and allow him to work through my testimony. If that wasn't enough I dabbed again sometime later to have the most insane experience of my life. I was sitting in a car with friends and was visually seeing demons, and had the worst panic attack of my life to the point I was shaking so bad I was convulsing. It was in this moment I got a slight taste of hell. I remember very specifically feeling the enemy pulling me into hell, and at that moment of crying out to God, I felt God's love for me, but knew in my spirit that I had put myself in that situation and chose with my own free will to walk away from God and to not put any actions or love behind my walk with Christ. I had been hypocritical, and wasn't leading people to Christ, if anything was making them think Christianity was a joke. Thank God he pulled me out of that after hours of being stuck in this position seeing and feeling so much of the supernatural. I knew when I was out of that situation, that God made it clear to me it didn't matter what I called myself, that I wasn't living as a christian, and that it wasn't a title I held on Sunday and went back to living life my way the rest of the week. Christianity is allowing God to make you new, and it's a continual and growing and maturing relationship with God where he helps you work out your life problems. God wants to loves on you, and then  in turn you are able to love on other people, making the World a better place. In my ignorance I was trying to make my own version of Christianity which isn't of God. So I want to compel you today regardless of who has spoken or caused hurt in your life through a church, a family member, or a friend, that their version of God isn't God's true identity! Nothing negative is of God's character, that's why he sent his son for us, because he broke the law in order for us to come to him at any time that Christ is not the jaded abandoning, rejecting, unfulfilling God that they have made him out to be in their hurt that they have or had chosen to hang onto and fester in. 

I am not condoning that marijuana is this drug that gives you supernatural experiences with God, I believed it did calm me to the point that it allowed for God to work through that situation that I wasn't able to tone him out as I would have sober at that point in my life. God created that plant, just like he created the ingredients for other drugs on this earth. We shouldn't make anything an idol or an addiction in our life with the thought that we need it in order to survive or to have peace, joy, concentration, or creative ability. God wants to be and is the sole and ultimate healer. God wants you to be free and not need anything or anyone to fulfill you or bring happiness because those are situational and temporary to this world. God wants to restore and bring peace, and peace that the world doesn't give but his peace he gives us through his Holy Spirit that you can enter in and receive at any point in time, it's free and full of grace, and forgiveness.

God allowed me to come out of my hiding of shame and regret from my past through all of this experience. In order for me to become less he had to become more. Addiction can and was overcome in my life and can and will be overcome in your life if you believe it and receive Jesus promises and love over your life. I am not talking about religion I am talking about a relationship with Jesus Christ. Nothing else in this world is going to matter in the end, and I can promise you that. At the end of the day you will be left to yourself with God and have no excuses to bring to him, he created you and knew all of your days before he created you, and still chose us, not because he had to but because he wanted to. He wants an amazing beautiful and intimate relationship with us. He fills every void in our lives that people can't, and were never meant or able to fill. He adopts us to become his rightful children. We can humbling an boldly come before him with any need as his children, when we give our lives to him as simple as believing and speaking that over your life that Jesus is God's son who came to earth to die on the cross for our sins who rose again from the grave to give us eternal life all who believe in him will have everlasting life. God is simple, religion is complicated. God loves you and sees you where you are right now. He doesn't see you as everything bad you've ever done or by what lifestyle you are living  right now. He sees you pure, loved, fulfilled in him, what is possible and attainable for your life in order for you to be the healthiest and happiest version of you through him. He cares about every little area of your life, and wants to speak to you about them, listen to you talk to him about them. He always available. God isn't going to kick you out of his kingdom or abandon or ignore you like people may have done in your life here on earth. God isn't going to use you, or abuse you. His motives are all right and true for he is truth himself. 

Trust that God has good intentions over your life, and only has good plans and purposes for you. 

Love you all,

Kim